


If I Had to Perish Twice

by broodyelf



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Drabble, F/F, Gen, Insecure!Danny Lawrence, Vampire Danny Lawrence, lots of angst here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 13:49:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8058736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broodyelf/pseuds/broodyelf
Summary: Danny Lawrence dies. Danny Lawrence is reborn.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in a long while, so please don't throw me in a dumpster. My friends and I are still reeling from Danny's personality change due to the Dean and I figured I'd write something about it.

Danny Lawrence dies. It is a sudden, jarring, knife in the back. Literally. She feels ice spread across her shoulders, and then she feels it melt. She remembers sticking her tongue out during winter and catching the flakes that fell from the sky with her brothers, making snow angels. Snow angels, lying in the white powder of the earth, spreading her arms, flying. The ice melts and she is warm.

Distantly she hears Laura’s voice. She never thought about dying, not really, not before Laura came into her life, with her cute smile and her wit, with her never ending need to do good, to fix things. She realizes that no matter how hard Laura tries, she can’t fix this.

She loves her despite that.

Laura holds her and cries. Danny tells her she isn’t scared. She isn’t. Her mother taught her how to straighten her spine into steel. Her father taught her how to roll with the punches, and her brothers taught her how not to break. She taught herself everything else.

She’s not scared. She’s not scared. She’s not—

Danny Lawrence dies.

-

Someone else wakes up. Someone else uses Kirsch for his blood, someone else cuts her hair, someone else learns to love the taste of metal, someone else listens for her heartbeat. Someone else watches as Hollis gives up the campus and hides. Someone else waits for the worried letters from home and receives nothing. Someone else stares in the mirror, seeing nothing, feeling nothing, and hearing nothing, no rush of blood, no beating.

Someone else lets the dean use her as a puppet, Perry’s voice and body giving her instructions.

A whisper in her head—which sounds like a mixture of Hollis, of Lafontaine, even Carmilla—tells her that this isn’t Danny. And they are right, all of them, because it isn’t, this other person, but since when did they give a damn anyway?

-

“Hey, we need to borrow a book.”

-

Someone else is pushed out into the cold, into a storm. The lackey complains about the weather. Someone else—no. No, this is who she is. She is not someone else, she is not another being. She is Danny Lawrence, who sacrificed everything for people who thought of her as nothing. She is Danny Lawrence, who rotted and died and who burned, and for what? For an ignorant little girl who used her feelings against her, for a heartless coward of a vampire, for a stupid biology major who was stupid enough to let their best friend be captured. For nothing. She remembers. She remembers the ice climbing up her back, and that is what drives her forward through the storm.

-

Danny Lawrence dies. Danny Lawrence is reborn.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr here: http://dual-wielding-dalish.tumblr.com/


End file.
